Not only an amazing quote from Seinfeld, but also the way I’ve been feeling lately as God continues to unveil my eyes to His glory.

Psalm 4:1 (NKJV)
Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness!
You have relieved me in my distress;
Have mercy on me, and hear my prayer.

I want to pay particular attention to the middle portion of this passage: “You have relieved me in my distress.”  Take notice of the preposition “in” as opposed to “from”.  It is not our normal response to thank God in our distress, we tend to thank God when he brings us out of distress. I am so thankful that I can relate to this verse. My situation has not changed; I still consider myself “in bondage” as it where, metaphorically confined to the restrictions of my health and circumstance. But in that I have great peace…even joy! Everything in my life seems to get back to the topic of joy.  I am eternally grateful to have this privilege because I understand that while joy is universally desired, it is only selectively acquired.

Matthew 7:14 (NKJV)
“…narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.”

Jesus is life; he alone is the source of joy. Joy is not a feeling that we can conjure up.  We may be able to motivate ourselves temporarily, but the hallmark of joy is that it is sustained; joy cannot be dissolved or eliminated. How do we attain this? It is nothing we can do within ourselves, it is a supernatural act of love; a gift from the author of love, for He is love. I believe joy to be an awe-inducing response to the manifestations of the outpour of God’s love: the greatness and glory of God the Father, the ultimate sacrifice of Christ Jesus, and the empowering presence of the Holy Spirit. This is the definition of grace and the essence of love.

When we come to an understanding of the Trinity, it should have a tri-fold effect of humility, trust, and obedience which I believe are part of the major roots of joy.  As we begin to grow and mature in that understanding, our roots grow deeper and the beauty of God’s creation is revealed through us.  Too often we try to be a flower when we have no roots!

There are certain words that, when used properly, are exceptional in conveying strong, appropriate meaning; words that vividly define the essence of their subject. No such word comes to mind when trying to describe the love of God. I can only express it as the very character of God to which He illustrates Himself as, “I AM”.

As I said, the tri-fold effect of this is humility, trust and obedience.  Though it would not necessarily say it as a blanket statement, I think that this would most often be the order of occurrence as well for obedience is not dependent on our understanding but our trust in God, and our trust in God is not dependent on our ability to do so but in our humility of being unable.  As I continue to go through this process, my joy grows proportionately; it wells up inside to where I can no longer contain in it.  Sometimes it brings me to tears, sometimes all I can do is sit in silence and smile, other times I have to just speak out and give glory to God.

Through introspection, we intrinsically come to a realization that there are three things required to keep us motivated and sustain our existence: faith, hope, and love.  These stem from our desire to keep ourselves satisfied in some way. My definition of motivation would be this: an enduring, sustained desire to fulfill our purpose: bringing glory to God by enjoying Him and sharing Him, attainable only through joy in Him as a result of the love from Him.  God created us this way.  As it says in Genesis, we have been made in the image and likeness of God.  We are Trinitarian in nature and desire to have fellowship with one another so it should be no mystery that Paul would speak of these things in his letter to the church at Corinth.

1 Corinthians 13:13 (NKJV)
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Faith is (among other things) our complete trust in God.  That trust gives us hope in his promises.  This promise is that we will one day be in the presence of God, who is love.  This is why “the greatest of these is love”; faith and hope are a means of expectation to greater enjoyment and satisfaction of God’s love. I am reminded of the statement I made a couple months ago which further reiterates this idea-

“Love changes perspective. Perspective changes motivation. Motivation changes actions; it changes outcome.”

To summarize, as humans we are searching for love as a means to joy as a means to motivation as a means to satisfaction. Again, this is why “the greatest of these is love”.  Love is the cornerstone of satisfaction. What do you love? Who do you love?  This will effect your entire life.  This is why I enjoy studying scripture and theology, not as a means to intelligence but recognizing that as my understanding of the Trinity expands, my natural response is a greater love.

“God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.”  – Dr. John Piper

A lazy man is one who fails to live up to the knowledge he has; he decides to live in ignorance without ever questioning his purpose or existence.

A foolish man is one who accepts the limitations of his current understanding.

A smart man is one who seeks to do well and apply the knowledge he has though he may, however, be a fool; these delineations are not mutually exclusive.

The wise man is one who looks to the reason for his existence and seeks to expand his understanding so that he can continue to grow in the application of that knowledge.

It is beyond my comprehension how any wise man could not arrive at the conclusion that he was created for the purpose of worshipping God and marveling at His greatness.  Men, let us not be foolish or lazy but pursue godly discipline. We ought to be diligent in our desire for spiritual maturity. Let us not say, “I will figure it out when the time comes”, but let us prepare ourselves in expectation, that we may be equipped in advance for the road that God calls us to. Given that our existence is to bring glory to the trinity of God, we are called to a level of responsibility in being obedient to the truth that our eyes, by God’s grace, have been opened to.  II Timothy 3:16-17 gives us a clear approach that we are to be knowledgeable of the Word if we are to be equipped. So men, I speak to myself just as I do the rest of you, get off your butt and get in the Word.

II Timothy 3:16-17 (NIV)

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

First let it be known that I do not consider myself a “blogger”. This is not something I see myself posting to frequently. The reason for such a post as this is for the sake of accountability and outward commitment in much the same fashion as baptism.

I’m in a weird place right now. I do not know why God has brought me here. I do not know why I have had to endure many levels of suffering. I have struggled with one question for the past few years…one question that I hoped I would not have to learn in the way that I have: Am I willing to live out my life if I will never experience any of my desires, but rather will have to endure continual suffering all the days of my life? Am I willing to live a life of full surrender, to become a slave to the work and the will of God? For the past year I wanted to believe that I could answer “yes” to that question but I found through each area of my life that my love for God had contingencies, though initially I was not consciously aware of them. When my health started to decline I said to myself, “Okay, I can deal with a couple visits to the hospital if I can still work and go to school and live out my life.” Then I had to quit both of those and spend many of my days in the hospital. I lived in ignorance for a long time. I was not willing to think upon the implications of what that meant, because in the back of my mind I knew I couldn’t handle it. In the words of Paul the apostle, I had “despaired of life itself”. I was definitely relating to some Bible characters like Job and Joseph, only that I was experiencing a fraction of their suffering and was not handling it with nearly the same strength.

Every time God took away from me something I desired, I felt like he was forcing me to prove to him my love; to prove that my love was not contingent on anything in this world or any of my own desires but on him alone. I have only recently come upon the startling revelation that this was not the case at all. After each period of suffering I proved just how much I didn’t love him and that my joy was always contingent on something else. I have now come to understand that God was not asking me to prove my love for him; he was, in fact, proving his love to me! If it were necessary for me to prove my love to him, then I failed in every sense of the word. Oh, but what a blessing to know that my God cares enough about me to make the circumstances of my life miserable! Why can I say this? Because here at the end of myself, when I have nothing left in me, I am satisfied. I am more than satisfied! There is no doubt that sorrow took hold of me, I did try to lose myself in sadness but God did not allow it. This is inexplicable, even to me. I want to be sad; I have nothing in my life that I have ever desired or sought after. But I have something so much more…a God who fills me with peace and love. This is not me psyching myself up each morning or motivating myself to press on…I gave up a long time ago. This is God. This trial is not a curse; it is privilege.

I do not know why God has brought me here but I know this: that if I should continue to experience suffering all the days of my life, I will continue to praise the name of Jesus until the day I die. At the root of all things, if all I believe is the fundamental truth that I am a sinner and that Jesus paid the penalty for my sin on the cross saving me from eternal damnation in Hell, is that not enough to warrant my daily praise? In his mercy, I am saved from Hell. By his grace, I am Heaven-bound, destined to live for all eternity by his side. I therefore make a covenant with my thoughts and actions:

• I resolve to shut out any thoughts that would seek to dwell on my suffering or the imagination of things I cannot control; I will look to the glory of God in all things.
• I resolve to become an obedient and disciplined steward of my finances, education, health and relationship with Christ.
• I resolve to confess to God and to man and repent when I sin.
• I resolve to look to the interests of others above my own; that I would spend time in prayer each day for the people God has placed in my life.
• I resolve to diligently pursue and initiate conversations that are faith-building and God-honoring.
• I resolve to not lose focus on the regenerating work God has done in my own heart and mind in order that God’s glory might be revealed through me.
• I resolve to pursue humility in becoming a man after God’s heart; that above all things I would desire and delight in the glory and goodness of the trinity of God.

These are things to be pursued.  I will fail at each of them, but by God’s grace I will strive forward.  I have been working on this list for quite some time (long before the start of this year) so I do not consider this be a New Year’s Resolution type deal. The idea of committing to this seemed very drastic to me as many of these are drastic changes to the way I currently live. But even if I were to succeed in living this out to perfection, it still wouldn’t be proportional to what Christ has done for me.

So although I have failed in every facet of my life, I stand with a renewed spirit, ready to act in accordance with the will of my Father in Heaven. II Timothy 1:7- “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” I’ve spent a lifetime holding myself back. I have not allowed my emotions or interests to penetrate the outside world.  This has allowed me to go without controversy and without arguments but it is a boring, unfulfilling life and has produced boring, unfulfilling relationships. I feel as though I’ve lived with no distinguishing marks of identity. But in Christ I now have an identity and a passion. “Exciting” would never be a word used to describe me and perhaps it never will be, but the change God has done in me is exciting; I have a hope that can never perish, spoil or fade. I desperately want to live in a way where that passion would become infectious to those around me and I will pursue whatever areas of ministry God would open up to do that. I cannot and will not try to explain the transformation in my heart except to say that it is all the evidence of God I will ever need. In my own strength I would never have been willing to give up my own desires and mind you, they were not sinful in nature. I still struggle, but I have new a heart and a new love. Love changes perspective. Perspective changes motivation. Motivation changes actions; it changes outcome. We can live surrendered lives that have complete trust in God when we have a genuine love for Him.

Dear Father,

I have but one desire-

Surpass the limitations of my eyes to see your glory and pierce the confines of my heart that it might burst forth in the fullness of you. I know that if I can just have a heart that is saturated by you, everything else will follow.

Welcome to the start of my mindless wanderings.  I make no guarantees that you will walk away entertained or satisfied.  In fact, you’ll probably walk away feeling a lot dumber than you did before.